Week of Woes, Window Greenery and Updates

I mentioned a Maserati in my last blog and was soon being followed by a dealership on my social media accounts. Who knows where that may lead? In the hopes of tapping into luxuries through my blog, I will now mention the places I want to visit or things I really want to possess. For places, I'll take (in no particular order but with deluxe travel and accommodations): Paris, Provence, Vancouver, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Rome, Tuscany, Tokyo, Kyoto, Madrid, Barcelona and Washington, D.C. For things I'd like a house with a serious kitchen and a nice sized yard, a second car (Maseratis aren't a good idea for Costco), any cooking implement and foodstuff I desire. That should cover it for now. I'll let you know if the Google gods fill my wish list.

Spring may be off to a slow start in most of the US, but it has sprung in my apartment. The window box herbs are growing like crazy. The tomato plants are getting big, but are just now producing. It's kind of nice to have all this going on in the tiny apartment. I got to use the thyme in my soup stocks this week. I'm also experimenting with pizzas. I'll be pickling the tomatoes this weekend to make another sweet sauce for the soup dumplings. Speaking of pickles, I made a very successful jar of garlic dill pickles. I can't call them Kosher dills, because my kitchen isn't Kosher. But they are really yummy!

You can check out the photos from the last couple of weeks here: http://dlwarner.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_27.html

Mopy Monday

Last week was probably one of the worst I've had since my diagnosis. Monday began with terrible news from some of the members of my cancer support group. And then a dear friend with an entirely different kind of cancer got some disheartening news about her annual tests. All of this happened before I could make breakfast, and I had gotten up at 6am with Jon. And then, I read the article: My Amazon Bestseller Made Me Nothing http://www.salon.com/2013/03/15/hey_amazon_wheres_my_money/ sent me into a horrible depressive tailspin. There is nothing like more evidence that everything you're doing creatively is likely a waste of time. That actually happens to me fairly often. Most times, I shake it off and move on. I've tried what we call the 'civilian life.' No offense, but I would end up with headaches each afternoon and thinking bizarre and destructive thoughts. Most days though, I didn't have a breast biopsy waiting for me. I was left feeling raw. I'm usually able to focus on the positives (and there are a lot of those). But it was almost too much to cope with.

Woeful Wednesday

But I showed up bright and early Wednesday with what I hoped was a positive attitude. The one thing I had hoped to leave with that day was some answers. I had reports from other patients who'd had biopsies that I should know something that same day. I really can't stand being in limbo. I especially can't stand it when I have so many other things to stress me out in life. This blog is seeing a fraction of the goings on behind the scenes with me. Today, I thought I'd stick with the stuff that has me in or near tears most often of late. The nice administrator who went over my consent form dashed all hope of leaving limbo. She said that I wouldn't get results until my next oncology appointment – in June. I assume that she noticed how distraught that bit of news made me, because she quickly explained that the areas they were investigating were of 'low suspicion' and this was all simply a precaution. This may have been all well and good for most patients, but this one is still trying to recover from the damage inflicted upon me by precautions. I had few problems after the HIPEC surgery. My current pain and mobility issues stem from chemo damage. Needless to say I remain leery of precautions.

My tech for the biopsy was the same as from the mammogram. That was heartening. I liked her and found

her to be very professional. Still, I was given more reason for being off put when I saw the machine, I noticed there was a set of plates for more breast smashing. I wasn't sure how that was supposed to with the needles. And then I almost fell off the stairs meant to make getting on the table easier. I nearly fell through the various openings in the table. I had to grossly contort my neck and one leg to get in the best position for the imaging to show clearly. I had to hold that position for over an hour. It was painful and made me panic when it became difficult to breathe. But what makes this even more special is that I have to do it again in two weeks. They only did one side. The radiologist explained that patients often can't handle doing both sides at one appointment. You think? I had not been told that at all when the biopsy was initially scheduled. I also wasn't told how long I could be out of commission afterward. I was wrapped tightly in a pair of wide tenser bandages that made movement difficult. And the restrictions covered everything that I'm able to do save for reading and writing. I was down physically for two days. Emotionally, this has felt like a tailspin. Needless to say, I'll be really glad when this set of tests are over though I was told that I should expect more frequent mammograms and/or biopsies for years to come. I'm not ungrateful to have thorough medical care, but I'm really getting while some patients get very tired of it all.

Writing Updates

I'm still editing manga and working on a couple of film projects. As for fiction, I've actually gotten into a good rhythm with the next Soldiers book. I'm planning on publishing that in May or June. I'm also going to do some short fiction based on my Yaoi characters that will be posted on the yaoi blog. I'm experimenting with illustrating those pieces to see if I can broaden my audience. Meanwhile, I have some other works that have sprung up from who knows where. I'll share more about those later.

Stay tuned.