Warning, the following paragraph contains some general whining. You may skip ahead if this is distasteful.
This has been an unusually difficult blog for me to write. The first attempt came out much too dour. The second was too strange – even for me. I think all of the stressors from the beginning of the year are catching up to me. The manifestations have been numerous. Lately, it has been physical. I think I could sleep for a week and not make a dent in the fatigue. And I always seem to be on the verge of a very bad cold. There is too much that needs to get done, and I have no energy to do any of it.
Of late, I’ve needed to spend time chatting or hanging out with my writer friends. They are the only people who really understand the occasional flare-ups of angst and sadness that can overwhelm a creative mind trying to cope with the business of their work or the people who read it. I have many wonderful and close friends who are not writers, and they try to understand when I’m like this. But only a writer understands feeling the feeling of complete vulnerability and fear after something is sent out to a new editor or published or awaiting review. Sometimes there is a great sadness when something is finished. I compound this problem by working with other writers who all have similar issues. I had been troubled by my inability to cope with all of it. But then, I got some sage advice from the incredibly talented and wise, Sarah Freligh. I give you better than a shout out, my friend. Readers should check out one of her poems and bio here. Though as creative as they come, she is also very practical and really down to earth. I was given a new perspective, and I’m grateful.
My other creative friends helped me bring in another year in their own ways. From Craig, I received a great hug and something to make me laugh. He is my favorite Jersey Boy (a great compliment considering my second favorite is Bruce Springsteen). Craig has a way of always knowing when I need to laugh. While I was at Borders, I could never go through a whole shift angry if he was working as well.
Then there is the wonderful Marie, my co-publisher. She brought me the loveliest and most delicious gift for my birthday. It was a tiny and perfect chocolate truffle cake that I relished. And over much champagne and reinforcements, we watch a great old film and laughed about our past decades – decades! I was encouraged to write the third novel in the Surrender series. I definitely am feeling that pull. But I must spend a little more time with my soldier-boys. I have to have that done for YaoiCon in October. Marie reminded me that times have been pretty good since moving out here. Our little Press is breaking even (very big in the independent press world). And we’ll be doing more traveling because of it. I am writing more than I ever have in the two decades since I got the MA in Creative writing (decades, I tell you). And I am largely happy with the work. I am even considering something ‘literary’ after all these years. Life am good (no, it’s not bad grammar, it’s a reference to an Adventures of. Superman ep, Little-big-head man.
The month of fun continues this week with a visit by a tall, dark and naughty actor-boy and a really fun time at the cinemas.