It's been a very strange week. I had thought the high point of wackiness was Craig's latest Marathon run(for which he trained at such places as The House of Pies ). I was promised a pie by his lovely girlfriend. It never made it out of his house. And then there was Craig vs filming weirdness at Central City Studio, current home of the Archive. Did Craig know about the Little Person in the dog suit? Did Craig notice that it was Lorenzo Lamas tied up on the bed in the motel set with the chihuahua? Craig has had a curious history with little people since his days as a carny. His issues with Lorenzo Lamas go back to high school. It had been that kind of week, and the kind of fun that has to have the singularly twisted running commentary of Craig. I had enough material for a few blogs between the Marathon and the studio wackiness. Alas, most of what I wanted to cover went out of my head with the latest Doctor's visit.
It's My (Pity) Party
No, the news wasn't terrible nor was it unexpected. I finally met with the surgical team that will be doing the procedure that is part of my cancer treatment. I'll be admitted in about a month for the surgical procedure and the follow-up chemotherapy. The doctors are very talented and they are familiar with this sort of cancer. One member of the team is a rare expert on it. After meeting them, I left very confident that I am in good hands. I still feel that way. However, there was something about the visit that left me crestfallen When I was given the worst case scenario for recovery time (the worst case scenario is all they gave me on every aspect of the procedures and hospital stay for insurance purposes), I realized that I'll be almost back to square one after this surgery. Even though I'm much, much stronger going in this time than in December, having chemo along with the surgery will leave me as physically weak. And that was a major bummer. Thus, I had a quiet though intense freak out about the litany of worst case possibilities before spiraling into a depression about the loss of my autonomy for several weeks to a few months. This was tough to get past as I feel better than I have in over a year(the amount of time all my Doctors believe I was sick). The thought of going back to counting being able to get a glass of water on my own as a victory was not sitting well. Everything I planned to blog about went out of my head – even the little person in the dog suit. All my plans for the upcoming months were in great doubt.
But I had to get past it. And I had to stop freaking out about what might happen. Patients have to go into these procedures with the most positive attitude possible (That's a tall order from a Doc who just scared the bejesus out of me making sure I gave informed consent). How did I get past the consultation of doom in hospital last December, you ask. One word, cats and kittens,, morphine! She could have told me I'd have four arms and two necks after that first surgery, and I would have responded 'sounds good to me, Doc. Let's get to it.' As always, I found solace in food – and my muses yelling at me (thank you, Sarah and Miss Kim). The library notified me that my copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking had arrived. Thus, I had a lovely walk in the spring sunshine to pick it up and do some browsing in the neighborhood shops. Julia provided inspiration but the walk to and from the Library was the revelation. I have about a month to walk in the sunshine, to cook and eat really good food and, most importantly, to rest. I can be a lot stronger and healthier than I was in December. Thus, I needn't be all the way back at square one. It felt good to take control over this aspect of my treatment. But what about those worse case scenarios? Well, after giving it some calm thought, I realized that I had heard those warnings – almost verbatim in their scariness– before my first surgery. None of those problems came to be, and I was a heck of lot sicker and weaker back then. I'm not ignoring the warnings. I'm just not going to let them panic me.
Before everything hit the fan, we had some very productive meetings regarding one of the film projects. It was a lot of fun refining a pitch to just one paragraph and an entire film down to one page. Our funding connection approved. Now, we wait. If everything goes as I expect, we'll get a green light just before I go into the hospital. But such is the whimsy of the film trade. We'll figure something out. I think. I'm also developing a pilot for a health and fitness show hosted by Dr. Paul Drew, a sports medicine expert, personal trainer and author of Red Carpet Posture. We've been planning segments involving fitness while flying, while in the office cubicle and the best and most fun way to exercise one's way to the optimum fitness and posture. That's where the pole dancing came in. Don't scoff. A lot of physical control is required to work the pole while in those heels. I consider those ladies athletes (though I'm unsure about it deserving a spot in the Olympics, but then again, does ribbon dancing?). And no, there will be no photos of me on that thing. I'm a klutz, remember? I'd rather not have to explain to my team of surgeons why the procedures are postponed and why I have to be in traction. Besides, I don't want to horrify the kin that's on Facebook and who read this blog. Maybe I can get Jon to take a turn. I will now pause in the writing of this to laugh hysterically.
Once the decision not to panic was made, the exhaustion finally hit. I've spent the last few days more asleep than awake. Thus, many of my ambitions for this week went down the tubes. Even so, I managed to do a little cooking and continue my research. I am really enjoying the time I have to read. I've been really giving my new library card a workout. It's like working at Borders again where I could borrow whatever struck my fancy. I'm borrowing books that I would never consider buying, and they are a hoot to read. And I'll certainly have the time to read while I'm convalescing. I'm almost certain to be down another dress size – my undergrad size. There are some positives to all of this.
So, my plans for the next few weeks is more walking – hopefully a walk of some length each day, lot of rest and good food. And I'm going to start my Bollywood routine this week. There will be no pictures if I can help it.